He was out with friends and truly enjoying himself when the unexpected happened: out of nowhere, he began to cry.
The flood gates just opened and he couldn’t have stopped if he wanted to.
He cried openly and sadly.
But the fact is: he cried.
His crying took everyone by total surprise. One minute, they were all laughing and joking and the next minute, their friend had “lost it.”
What triggered this flood of emotions? they naturally wondered.
Often times, tears are a way of communicating what we cannot say; didn’t say, won’t say or to embarrassed to say what is really bothering us. When our emotions have been suppressed for a long time, we crash. Then here comes the tears.
But psychologically, shedding tears are part of the internal cleansing/shedding process.
Tears are highly beneficial according to Laura Bylsma, a PdD student at the University of South Florida in Tampa, who has focused on crying in her research. “Crying may have a biochemical purpose. It’s believed to release stress hormones and toxins from the body.”
Well, if that’s the case, why aren’t we crying more often? If it can relieve stress and make us feel better instantly, we shouldn’t have a problem with crying. Right?
For many people, crying does not come easy; while others reserve their tears for a “legitimate” reason. This is the reason for the “good/happy cry” :
- New, enjoyable things and surprises such as the birth of a baby, graduations, weddings, a new job, promotions, a dream vacation, engagements, a new house, winning a prize or a problem that is finally resolved amicably or in your favor.
The bad/ugly cry:
- An unexpected death or even a prolonged illness resulting in death
- The ending of a relationship whether planned or unplanned
- Loss of a job or something else that was meaningful to you (dreams, losing a home, losing your health, etc)
And I’ve cried when certain things/people/situations resonated with me:
- A dynamic speaker
- A really great quote
- A picture
- A movie
- My children’s disappointments and milestones
- Gratitude both given and received
- Self-discovery, feeling spiritually centered or feeling in a good place emotionally
Years ago, a good male friend taught me the beauty of honoring my feelings. He said whatever you’re feeling, own it. Don’t let others tell you how you’re “supposed” to feel. Those feelings, he said, belong solely to you. And if you need to cry, by all means, do so.
“Your doing yourself a total disservice by pretending your feelings aren’t valid or not worth your own tears,” he said. “It’s your God-given right to cry and then get over yourself.”
Iylana Vansant, a writer, life coach and television personality, wrote this beautiful poem that sums up the beauty of crying. Enjoy!
Yesterday, I cried.
I came home, went straight to my room,
sat on the edge of my bed,
kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,
and I had myself a good cry.
I cried until my nose was running all over the silk blouse I got on sale.
I cried until my ears were hot.
I cried until my head was hurting so bad
that I could hardly see the pile of soiled tissues lying on the floor at my feet.
I want you to understand,
I had myself a really good cry yesterday.
Yesterday, I cried
with an agenda. ( Iylana’s Last Verse)
Me: When’s the last time you got your cry on?