“Can we talk?” late comedian Joan Rivers jokingly challenges us and we laugh uproariously—well, at least I do.
The underlying meaning here is more of a statement than a real question. It’s double speak for: “Let’s get real! Let’s be serious. Let’s be Grown Ups and Let’s Be Transparent, shall we?”
Here’s break down Number 2: No innuendos, nuances, or nebulous/clueless answers or responses.
By now, it’s clear that whoever poses the question is very hopeful that talking will occur. Now, the dynamics of the question changes because it’s now up to the other person to agree/disagree to talk.
When a person asks “Can We talk” it can totally surprise the other person causing an immediate reaction, as in no, or not giving a person time to really think it out. Or, that person might just as ready/eager to talk. Breathe. Many people may opt of “having the talk” because it may involve/entail:
- Being honest
- Taking ownership/responsibility
- Being vulnerable
- Debunking misconceptions
- Really Listening
- Clearing up misconceptions
- Honoring each other’s feelings
- Being realistic
- Exposing emotions
- Willingness to talk about relationship issues
Talking is never easy and gets a little complicated, especially when a there’s been estrangement in a friendship and relationship. Therefore, I solicited the advice from my friend Debra. She and her husband has been married almost 30 years.
“When the question is posed, we treat it seriously. Then, one try to figure out if the issue is urgent or can it be addressed later. If we agree to later, we wait a few days and then pick up the conversation as we agreed to. That way, we both have time to think about the situation and then we work towards resolution.”
The next time, I’m asked or requesting “Can We Talk” I hope to implement to implement three questions to the question: “When, What time and hopefully Where (preferably in person.) My only stipulation to this question would be:” If not in person, I’m willing to have this conversation by phone.” Texting is out for me. Real Talk!”