Hating the hater in me

 

”My name is LaLinda and I’m a hater,” I confess in my new MasterLife Class February 2015.

“Say what?” my fellow responded in unison as they busted into gaggles of laughter.

Confession time it was not. MasterLife is an extensive 6-month study/journey about discipleship and its expectations. Simply, the facilitator asked us to introduce ourselves and talk about what we hoped to personally get out of the class.

Truthfully, I was trying to be funny, but at the same time be transparent. Once the laughter subsided, I replied that my specific purpose (among many) was to work on my “hater qualities” that occasionally overrides my judgment. Specifically, I wanted to focus on self-control, so I could see people/situations objectively. The real culprit was perception.

Whew!

Who doesn’t know a hater?  Tell me who hasn’t encountered a hater or the hated?  So, what exactly is a hater? Here’s a reference.

Urban Dictionary defines a hater as: A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.
Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock someone else down a notch.

Susan: You know, Kevin from accounting is doing very well. He just bought a house in a very nice part of town.
Jane (hater): If he is doing so well why does he drive that ’89 Taurus?

 

In my “hating episodes–as I call them—stemmed from comparison and my personal trigger was not being where I wanted to be professionally.

 

For 3 years I worked as a Pre-Kindergarten Paraprofessional. Suffice it to say, working with 22 4-year olds was not my calling.  Three years prior, I was unemployed, my son was sick and I had to pay bills, I took the job—with the hopes it would be short term. I was underpaid—even though I had two degrees; undervalued, degraded and felt unappreciated.

 

I hated/envied anyone whom I perceived who was able to “easily” get a job or had the “ideal” job. Sure, hate would crop up in other areas, but I was so obsessed with having a good job.

 

Hate and resentful I used interchangeably when describing a person or situation. Jill, who is a friend of mine and spiritual counselor gave me another word to ponder: Entitlement.

 

She said: You feel entitled to having all the things you worked for and cannot understand why you’re not getting the things you worked for or prayed for, so inwardly, you’re longing for something you think is not attainable or hasn’t shown up yet.”

 

And today, my favorite author and Iyanla Vansant summed up exactly how to deal with the feeling of hate/lack and envy. “The quickest way to block your in-flow of good is to begrudge someone else what they have. There are three principles of prosperity we must observe to ensure we receive our good: (1) Ask for what you want, (2) Give what you want away, (3) Be willing to see someone else get what you want before you do. When we follow these principles, we demonstrate our faith that no matter what we have, there is more than enough to go around.”

 

Purging this “hate attitude” still takes work. Today, I accept God’s still working on me—from the inside out—and what’s to hate about that?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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