“What the #$@&%*!” I fumed as I read the nasty e-mail sent to me, followed by “Oh, no she didn’t!”
In a nanosecond, I went there—a place where I felt emotionally wounded. Why? Because I was totally caught unaware.
“Who does she think she is?” I thought huffing and puffing. It was time to get even.
Problem was I was looking for a position and had contacted her twice on the recommendation of a contact. Mentally, I wondered what I did to deserve this response. The second e-mail, I thought, was a friendly reminder and I asked her to contact me.
On the receiving end, I felt she just fired off an unprofessional e-mail. Her smart aleck comments were unwarranted and certainly NOT appreciated!!!
First thing I thought of—Christian of not—I succumbed to the Eye-for-Eye mentality. Professionally, I would contact her boss—the President—and attach her comments as proof that I she offended me.
Then, I would ask (I took out demand) an apology. And why not? She had to be held accountable.
Lastly, I would……
The lists in my head grew longer by the minute of how to make her pay.
After several day of holding onto anger, I realized it was time for a major anger management invention.
So, I googled anger management. I read and liked Mayo Clinic’s article and tips, which I have amended and added my own words in bold.
1. Think before you speak/write
In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to say something you’ll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying/writing anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.
2. Once you’re calm, express your anger
As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
3. Get some exercise/Chill
If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.
4. Take a timeout
Timeouts aren’t just for kids. . A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry.
5. Identify possible solutions
Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand.. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.
What worked for me was really simple: The Eye-for-Eye feeling was working against me. I purged it and replaced it with a positive affirmation: “Winning!”
At least for now.