Scardy Cat!!

“You’re nothing but a big old Scardy cat!” we’d say as children when we wanted to taunt, shame or dare our friends to their face–or worst yet, behind their backs.

Growing up, nobody and I mean nobody, wanted to be associated with being “scarred.”  As youngsters, we associated ourselves as brave, cool, hip, brave, risk-taker, rabble raster, unfazed and or just plain crazy.

Scardy Cat was equivalent to saying today “You wimp!” or worse yet, “Get/Grow some balls!” This last term was an equal opportunity offender.

Naturally, I had the “fake it to you make it” bravado down pact. I had to prove my naysayers wrong. Whatever, the challenge, I had to succeed–at all costs. So, I substituted the word Scardy Cat, for wanting to be the best,, the biggest, the brightness the baddest and always better..

Being the baddest felt abnormally comfortable to me. Therefore, I would “act out” or “act like I was bad, to get attention.

Remember, I didn’t want to be known ever as being “Scardy Cat. And in many ways, I still don”t.

But I used and sometimes use the “Scardy Cat” feeling to motivate me to overcome some internal fears, such as being the first child in my family to complete college.

Being the first at anything has built in trepidation and intimidation because everyone trying to “save face” or “save their ass.” I’ve been in both places.

Today, I can tell when the Scardy Cat syndrome is in full effect.

While I love new anything, I still have my reservations or guard up.

Male relationships–scary until the relationship unfolds (natural, I tell myself) and entering into any new “girlfriend” relationship–I wonder if they’re catty, shady or both. Or, if she’ll be a bosom buddy.

New job. Crazy scary!!!!.

Parenting.  I stayed scared, but I enjoyed the journey.

Trying this new adventure of blogging is a challenge. The thing that really sets off the Scardy Cat in me is all these new categories  that must be activated. What the advanced settings? Who cares about that? Why do I have to have a special logo?  Location? Now, that’s confusion.

Now, I go into the whine mode..

I don’t wanna click millions of buttons! I hate putting in extraneous information, upload what now? I whine.

“Scardy Cat!” I can hear the childhood voices in my ear

“Ok”, I snap.

“Scardy Cat!”! There’s the taunt and I’m not liking it one bit.

“So!” I reply on the verge of tears.

“Where’s the fear coming from?” I hear a sympathetic adult voice.

“All these features! It’s cumbersome. Look, I just wanna  write, not handle the logistics of managing the site, for crying out loud!.”

“That’s why there’s tomorrow. Who says you got to figure it all out today?”  I have been anchored.

Relieved I put “Scardy Cat” out of my mind and push Publish. Ah, what an immense relief.

So, here it is!

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